Me: Hey, Bean, if you turn on the TV, I'll play some Pinky Dinky Doo for you. (For some bizarre reason, the on/off portion of the DirecTV remote doesn't work with our TV. This means we get more exercise.)

Bean: This mermaid doll doesn't like Pinky Dinky Doo, she likes tattoo movies.

Me: (bug-eyed but asking in a calm and gentle voice) What is a tattoo movie?

Bean: It's a movie that has pygmy marmosets in it.

Me: What makes it a tattoo movie?

Bean: Nothing, but they have to go swimming.

She had her 4-year-old checkup today. I think they put hallucinogens in her vaccines.